Some may know, some may not, that I have a very real fear of Spiders or Arachnophobia as it is known medically. I'd like to point out that it isn't the 'I don't like Spiders' fear, I am in possession of the 'It ruins my everyday life' kind.
Alot of people claim to have a Phobia of Spiders (I even find it extremely hard to say or write the name..) but most of them just simply dislike them. To actually know what it's like to possess this fear 'irrational' or not, you would have to live a day of my life, and by day I mean day. Let me show you what I mean:
Starting when I wake up I check around me when I get out of bed, I make my way to the bathroom (to say, get ready for work), the first thing I do is walk straight through the door and look behind me above the door frame in case one is there, next I quickly check the bath if I can see into it from where I am, if I can't then I make my way to the sink and check there, I'll clean my teeth, but the whole time I'm checking around me, looking in the mirror behind me, always keeping watch.
Next I might start getting clothes out, I open the wardrobe doors, and look at all 4 corners of it to see if anything is there, it's not a dramatic look, more of a glance. I won't take any clothes on a hanger that have been hanging against a wall in the wardrobe because something could easily crawl onto it or into a pocket (they like dark spaces) I'll pick out my clothes, but when I go to put them on I shake them if they have been near the wall.
Next comes breakfast, I go downstairs, the whole time my eyes are scanning the floor, walls, corners of rooms, ceilings and crevices of the stairs even. I eat my breakfast then its time to go to work, but before I do that I have to choose which shoes to wear, and if they have been on the floor I pick each shoe up in turn and turn it upside down and shake it or put my hand into it (why I put my hand in it I don't know, as if I was ever to find something in there I don't physically know what I would do..)
Now comes the walk to the bus stop, not as bad as it sounds, and it's not, but bushes and trees I don't walk very near and underpasses are hell..or brick walls I don't brush against. Once at the bus stop if it is a little shed-like one I wont go inside, no matter how cold it is. Once at work I still go about my normal routine but the whole while I am still checking door frames, walls, ceilings everywhere.
As the day goes on it starts to get dark, and seeing as most Spiders are nocturnal (are active at night, rather than daytime) this is when I'm at my most agitated...
You see I'm not scared of just any old Spiders (just because you have the Phobia itself doesn't mean your scared of all Spiders) I happen to be scared of the species Tegenaria domestica & Tegenaria. gigantea, or more commonly known as the Domestic House Spider, and the Giant House Spider respectively. People say 'how can you be scared of those and not of smaller ones like Money Spiders', simply because, it's the ACTIONS of these two species that petrify me. For instance both species are HUGE, the domestic one reaching a 0.5 inch body and 40mm legs, and the giant one reaching sometimes up to an 18mm body and 75MM BLOODY LEGS.
Here you go, work that out for yourself:
But, it's not only their size that bothers me, it's also their speed and their gait (the way they move), the sometimes sporadic movement, or the 'I'm gonna run straight at you' kind of movement. The shape of them, the way they just appear out of nowhere, one minute they aren't there the next minute they are on the wall next to you, the fact that the giant ones don't generally fear much apart from other giant house spiders (if I hear one more person say, 'it's more scared of you than you are of it', I'm going to brain them) and so when you confront them they tend to just sit there, they don't care. When your scared of something you don't run at it do you? But yet the big ones run at me sometimes?
I can't enter a house I'm not familiar with without looking at the door frames first when I walk in. If I see a spider in my house or anywhere I have to stand in the middle of the room and then walk to the opposite corner of it so I can see 'it' and all other corners of the room so I know where it is at ALL TIMES. If someone isn't around to dispatch it (they are killed otherwise they just turn up again, they aren't 'thrown out the window' or 'put outside the front door', they are HOUSE spiders so of course they get back in, if you were thrown out of your house you would try and get back in right?) I have to see someone kill it. I can't go into attics all the way, I have to stay near the hole so I have a means of escape, if furniture is moved, I have to check inside it, under it, behind it, before I will even attempt to help lift it.
During the Spring, Summer and Autumn months (breeding time of my little friends) my bedroom window and any other window that is regularly opened is covered with Velcro round the window frame and a netting is placed over the top of this, I would rather die of heat stroke than have one in my room.
What really gets to me is when people say 'I'm really scared of spiders, someone always has to get rid of them for me, and I can't sleep in the same room as them', true arachnophobes wouldn't dream of leaving the room their 'monster' was in, from fear of losing the creature and never finding it again, once your in a room with it, your there until it's deceased 'Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer' has never meant more to me than in this situation.
Also, these F-Lister's on 'I'm a complete idiot and I've run out of money get me outta here' say 'I'm so scared of spiders, of creepy bugs', if that's the case what are you doing in a jungle? My dream is to travel to Brazil, to work with snakes and reptiles but I can't because the world's second largest spider lives there (the biggest being the Giant Huntsman), the Goliath Bird Eating Spider, this thing is capable of growing to a total length of 30CM, yes, that's THREE of those rulers up there..
My fear may be irrational to some, and some people find it hilarious to say they have one in their hand and proceed to follow me with cupped hands ( I will lash out), but to me it's very real, no matter how irrational to other people. It's stopped me following my dreams and it makes everyday life extremely difficult. My Mum suffers with the same ailment, and is even worse by me, she has had hypnotherapy, CBT ( cognitive behavioral therapy) all to no avail, and I'm too scared to try these methods. Watching television is a nightmare, as is reading magazines or books, if a picture comes up I feel physically sick. Who knows whether I will ever conquer my fear or whether I will just simply learn to live with it, all I know is that it's been Hell so far, so to all those people who think they are scared, have a little re-think..
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